the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize