She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
