You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
