Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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