....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
