I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
