brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
