i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
