i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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