he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
