All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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