I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
