dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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