I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
