She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I am morally bankrupt
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
