dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
