My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
