Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
