I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
