I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
