you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
