I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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