i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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