i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
