i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
