i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
