I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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