Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
