When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
