The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
