I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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