Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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