I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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