You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
