im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
