I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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