So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
