Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
