I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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