I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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