the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
