did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
