woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am mentally ready for anal.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
