Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
