the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
