Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
