We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
