no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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