So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
