The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
