i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
