there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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