he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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