I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
