Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
