I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
