You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
