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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
