Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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