what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
