Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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